There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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