Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(336): View more from North Carolina

he said i'm too pretty to suck penis

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(336): he said i'm too pretty to suck penis http://tfl.nu/wzvb

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(951): View more from California

I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.

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(951): I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on. http://tfl.nu/klvy

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(612): View more from Minnesota

My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!

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(612): My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome! http://tfl.nu/2tqo

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(917): View more from New York City

you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night

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(917): you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night http://tfl.nu/accx

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(214): View more from Texas

How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?

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(214): How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus? http://tfl.nu/1khv

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(810): View more from Michigan

maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.

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(810): maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me. http://tfl.nu/khu4

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.

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(+44): i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating. http://tfl.nu/8l9m

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(573): View more from Missouri

Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.

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(573): Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI. http://tfl.nu/6uwa

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(281): View more from Texas

that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.

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(281): that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms. http://tfl.nu/qnq5

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(904): View more from Florida

Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.

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(904): Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple. http://tfl.nu/t444

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.

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(202): Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out. http://tfl.nu/88jd

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.

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(250): Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys. http://tfl.nu/97m7

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(416): View more from Toronto

But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures

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(416): But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures http://tfl.nu/emrg

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.

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(651): I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won. http://tfl.nu/jvx1

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(517): View more from Michigan

I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.

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(517): I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish. http://tfl.nu/ztbe

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