Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize