i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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