Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
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This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
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Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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