bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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