Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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