P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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