I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
did i walk over a car last night?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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