ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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