I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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