he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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