Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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