i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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