surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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