He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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