SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize