I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize