Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
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I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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