Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
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When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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