guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
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I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
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I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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