Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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