I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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