capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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