goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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