Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize