The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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