Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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