I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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