Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
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Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize