I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's rum buckets o'clock
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