I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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