i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No I am not eating basil off your cock
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I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
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I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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