I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize