I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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