The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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