You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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