watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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