when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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