Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
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The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
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How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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