I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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