I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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