watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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