I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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