Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize