I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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