She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize