I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize