oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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