Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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