you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
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Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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